Dear Reader,
Are you feeling grief from exiting this cult? Have you ever heard the phrase "you can either make like better or make life bitter"? It's similar to the phrase "you can make lemons or lemonade out of life". It's a choice. It's our choice. I didn't understand, at the time what my dear friend was trying to help me understand. In my experience, I've learned to "make my life better" by recognizing God and learning how to reactivate my will. I'll get into how to reactivate the will on another post. Right now I want to concentrate on choosing to make life better.
Those who are in Trumpetcallofgod cult cannot as easily reactivate their will. The will of the "flock" has been temporarily disconnected. It's become a "broken chooser" because the will is under the influence of Timothy S. Rathbun. And, until you are free from his control over you your, will be guided by Timothy & temporarily out of order.
I say all of this because I know there are those of us, who either were ex-communicated, or left on our own & were left feeling of grief from this loss. This loss I realize has been one of the biggest losses in my life and I'm sure for you too.
As an former Trumpetcallofgod member, I believed this group to be my 'true' family. So, if a member leaves voluntarily or involuntarily, they will eventually loose these family members. This is hard to go through because not only do ex-cult members loose a family but they also loose a life story.
Most of Timothy's "flock" think they are living a spiritual life, making 'progress' and serving God & others. When in reality, this is simply untrue. So, a new life story has to be written & new choices have to be made. I have found many ways to accomplish a new life, to heal, and to recover. Getting there is not easy so please be patient, call upon God, & please allow yourself time to go through these
5 stages of grief:
1. Anger – "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
2. Denial – "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
3. Bargaining – "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
4. Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
5. Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
Ex-cult members like myself may find that these 5 grief stages come and go in different ways and are not in any particular order.
Realizing that I was in a cult has been very overwhelming. I think it's completely normal to think, @ times, that "my group wasn't a cult". I also think that it's also normal to feel a loss of certainty and faith & feel that Timothy S. Rathbun was my link to God. Coming out of this cult experience is so hard to overcome and recover from. It feels like the death of a family member. I know that my recovery, from being in this cult, will take time, patience, support, etc. So I choose to go through these 5 grief stages.
"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:28 (The Message)
